You've heard the old church hymnal-
Living by faith in Jesus above,
Trusting, confiding in His great love;
From all harm safe in His sheltering arm,
I’m living by faith and feel no alarm.
Since my last blog post, I have truly done this. Rich Froning (3 time Crossfit champ and friend of Caleb's) tweeted just this past week:
"True faith doesn't just celebrate after the miracle has happened, true faith celebrates before, because you know that God will deliver..."
And do we ever have lots to celebrate.
Let's rewind. My last blog on August 14th, focused on me writing in a journal my book marked bible verses to pass time when I would worry about things beyond my control. Things I was "hoping" for. It worked. I knew God would answer our prayers and He did just that beyond my expectations and timelines.
On Wednesday August 21st, I was feeling different. I was feeling confident. I was feeling fearless. I was feeling God's love shining from within me and all around me. My bible verses that day were these:
Already that previous weekend I had noticed Manning was being ultra cuddly. Like would not get his head out of my lap for anything cuddly. He knew before I did. Talk about a smart dog. I had read animals could be intuitive about these things. I should have known.
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That evening, Caleb got home before me and we made dinner together (we never get to sit down together during the week during football season, so it's special) and took the dogs on a nice long walk. I had an intuition that I should take a pregnancy test. Being frugal, I used one of the cheap Equate brands because I didn't think it would be positive. I did my thing and took a shower that was filled with anticipation to get out. Low and behold, I stare at this faint blue line and scream silently to myself. "Is that line really there? I'm seeing things. This test is cheap. It's inaccurate." I go back downstairs and Caleb is watching ESPN and I simply keep to myself. "I will take the digital one in the morning and be sure one way or the other. Oh wait, Caleb will already be gone to work out so I can't wait until then." So at 10pm, I took the real test. And with trembling hands and a racing heart, read the word "Pregnant" clear as day. Again, I screamed silently. Having nothing planned, I go into the bedroom and ask Caleb if he would like to see something cool. He thinks I am going to show him something on my phone, but I move my phone so he can see the test. His eyes widened and said "Is that ours?"
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The shock kept us both up the majority of the night. Don't get me wrong, we were elated. But I had heard so many times it would take some couples 6-12 months or longer and then have to have help. I never dreamed it would happen so fast! I couldn't sleep, so I signed up on all the expecting apps to figure out my due date. May 2nd, 2014. I tried to avoid sleeping prone because you aren't supposed to when you're pregnant. (The big belly reason didn't occur to me until morning.) Dead tired, I drag myself to work.
I knew I would not lose my anxiety and sleeplessness until we told our parents. But I had to tell them in person. The plan was to go home that Saturday after our color run, tell my parents, then head to the mountain for Sarah's big birthday party and tell them. Well, rain and storms rained out the Friday night football game, moving it ever so conveniently to Saturday. Being the planner that I am, this was not going well. But again, I trusted in God's timing. We went ahead and told Caleb's family that night and at midnight decided to skip the color run and drive straight over to my parents in the morning to surprise them and tell them. (We told his family by discussing the side effects of Zija, by showing a picture of the + test at my MIL. Maybe that's why it happened so fast. More on that later.) Another sleepless night. Another lie to my co-workers on why we could not attend the race. We pulled up in the driveway and my mom was confused but thought we had decided to come over to hang out pre-birthday party before Caleb had to get things ready for the game. My dad was on the roof replacing skylights so I desperately needed him to come down before I exploded. I handed them both bags. Dad opens his first, containing a bib that says "I love cruising" with a car from Disney's Cars on it and my mother begins to squeal like a school child at recess. She had not even opened hers yet. I gave her a "Nana" frame with a picture of my "pregnant" test in it. Dads reaction was, and I quote, "I knew all this rain and floods had to be good for something." Finally, I can sleep again.
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Over the next few days, I told people on a "need to know" basis and certain close friends/family because I was having to make things up all the time and felt guilty for lying. I have never lied so much to so many people in my life this past month! (If I lied to you, I'm sorry. I wanted to shout it out to everyone!)
September 10th. Another blessing occurs. Another thing "hoped" for. We have a mandatory staff meeting after work. In a nutshell, Obamacare is changing many things so our owners took a course of action to protect our small business by partnering with a larger company out of Chicago. An acquisition is the proper term. While this means new overhead and EMR (electronic medial records- a hassle by definition) and lots of changes at work on top of my changing body, mind and emotions it also meant something even better. Better benefits. North River has always been my second home and family. I loved that it was a small company and if I needed to talk to the "big guys in charge" I could walk in their office or text them and it was no issue. But that also meant we had small business benefits. Now with ATI, who has over 3,000 employees, we have GREAT benefits. We are going from a high deductible insurance plan, to a lower deductible and co-pay plan for basically what I was already paying in a monthly premium. I have free short and long term disability and life insurance. I have PTO to take and can build up sick days. And I get to keep my Aflac I already had in place prior so I can have two checks during maternity leave. God knew. He knew one of the biggest things stopping us from starting a family was our insurance being so high. We trusted Him and decided to start a family anyway and He provided not only that blessing of expanding our family, but the blessing of better insurance for that family. When I tell you He is amazing and faithful I mean it more than ever before.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living. Psalms 27:13
This was the verse of the day in my Bible app, the day I have long awaited for our first check-up. Baby Collier's very first (of many) pictures. Showing 9 weeks, 1 day here, 3 days ahead of the due date based on my last period. Baby was moving around having a great time with his beating heart. I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
So today, we are announcing about our little miracle and display of God's faith, love, goodness, and perfect timing. Some may say it's too early and it's too risky. I've waited long enough and it was the hardest secret to keep in my entire life. I am celebrating and showing the world just how GOOD He is. I am showing my faith and celebrating before, because I know God will DELIVER, just as He already has time and time again. I do not mind that everything is out of my control, because ever since I've let God be in control, things have worked out much better and I've been more at peace.
Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. Psalms 145:3
I love this picture, because Dolly looks like we just told her the news. So precious.
Thank you all for reading and we would appreciate your prayers for a happy, healthy baby in early May! Celebrate the faithfulness of God with us and give Him your concerns and cares. He will deliver!
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