No one warned me- A First Time Mother's "Bliss"

No one warned me. No one told me the hard parts. No one shows the non glamorous side of motherhood and who would dare discuss it and seem like they were complaining.  No, I'm not talking about sleepless nights, spit up, pee or poop. I will take that all day long folks. No one told me how alone being a mom makes you feel. No one told me how badly you will mourn your former life and self then feel horribly selfish for it at the same time. No one told me how your heart will feel ripped out and stomped on when your baby is sick and helpless for no reason. Or how hard you will cry when they try to stick an IV in their tiny veins over and over. No one told me how you will question why you made the decision to procreate. No one told me how you will be scared to death your husband will fall out of love with you because you all of a sudden are a hormonal crazy person that cries incessantly as your newborn cries too. No one told me how much harder this job is if you are type A and OCD like me. No one told me.
 
Since May 3rd, I have faced many challenges. I know some mothers have faced worse or more, but God definitely thought I was super mom. Each week has thrown something new at me, aside from the regular adjustments to a newborn. From having a long labor ending in an unwanted c-section, to having a horribly painful breastfeeding experience, to discovering Wylie has a milk soy protein intolerance which was why breastfeeding was so hard (and she was fussy/in pain), to finding out my own incision was infected, and then to have my baby admitted for a very rare case of infant mastitis & spending 3 days/nights in the hospital - you could say it's not been a walk in the park. I am by no means trying to seek pity or whine. I am only trying to strip down the "bliss of motherhood" and show the true raw and ugly side that sometimes happens. Why does it happen? Who knows. God has been teaching me patience hard core the past few years and I thought I was doing well. He must have decided I needed another course. He also decided I needed a course in letting go, being stronger and allowing my independent stubborn self to let others help me. He decided Wylie needed a strong mother. Although I am not strong- I am made strong through Him via my own weaknesses. I will put my weaknesses, my doubts, my fears, my problems, my brokenness on display for all to see for His glorification. For without Him, I would be lost. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV) Without my amazing husband, supportive families and friends- I would have gone insane. No matter how big or small the problem, God cares. He has shown His goodness and faithfulness and brought me and many, many people to their knees to seek His help in healing my precious baby girl. In all my years of heart aches, disappointments and broken hearts from boys, pets passing away, grandparents passing etc- I have never felt as broken as I did when my baby had to be admitted to the hospital and stuck over & over to run an IV at the age of 22 days. I have never shed more tears. I have never sang more hymns to calm myself and her. I have never doubted myself and my decisions so much. So while motherhood is hard and no one told me the degree on a scale of 0-10, I'm telling whoever is reading this. (It's a 10 btw) Moms, wives, single women. Men. Listen up. It's not pretty. It's not easy. Yes, kids are cute and fun. Even though you think you're ready and capable you will doubt it every second of every day and second guess everything you've ever known. But then you look at them and they smile and all is ok again. God has blessed me with an overall healthy, beautiful baby girl that I love more than anything on this earth.  He blessed me with amazing support and love from so many people. I know nothing worth having is easy, and this totally fits this subject. I know we will face more challenges in different variations and stages. Some will be harder than the past 24 days. Some will be easier and feel like a breeze compared to now. For whatever reason, God has a point. A plan. A path. I'm going to buckle up. And put on a helmet. :-)
 
Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying. Thank you for your unending love and friendships near and far. I never knew how hard life could be. I know we all have our own battles. I hope each one of you know The Lord, for He can help. I hope some of my experiences have shown Him and His goodness to you. For that, must be part of His reasoning. I am in no way perfect, nor will I ever be. But I will strive to be the best I can to my family and to please God.

I am PRAISING and THANKING God for His comfort, His grace, His mercy, His power, His calming, His Healing of my sweet Wylie.  We still have to get through transitioning home again and giving her antibiotics 3x/day and applying heat compresses to continue to let her heal and get better.  I know He will provide all we need.  God is good.
 
"for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:13 NIV
 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (James 5:16 NIV)

Mastitis in my sweet girl.  This looks good compared to Sunday night.  The infection is trying to "draw" itself out.  Yes, it looks and is painful.  Yes, its a freakishly rare thing to happen in newborn babies.  Google it. I did not pass the infection to her at all.  Babies have milk from mother's hormones passively, and those ducts can get clogged and infected just like in nursing mom's if not expressed/secreted.