You are my strength when I am weak

Have you ever had like 20 blog topics on your mind at once?  Just me?  Ok.  This post may be a big hodge podge of topics strung together.  I kinda don't even know where to begin so I am just going to let my heart do the typing.  For some reason writing out my feelings has always been easier and made me feel better so here it goes.  I like being an introvert sometimes.  It's the only child in me.

Last week for me can be summed up in one single verse:{ "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.} 2 Corinthians 12:9

 I literally was praying walking into work, on my lunch breaks, and  in between patients just to get through the work day. Everything was piling up on me.  Work, people, home, life. When life knocks you to your knees, pray.  That's exactly what I did.  Looking back, God was working within me.  I have never been an "overly-spiritual" person.  I have grown up in church all my life and while I loved God and became a Christian at age 14, I have never been on fire like this.  I guess I never was placed in the correct places or among the right people to realize all my stress & worries in my life do not have to be faced alone.  I have been trying for 28 years to do that.  And now that I have boasted my weaknesses to several people this week and now to the blogger world, I have seen God's power first hand.  If it took last week's misery to make me see this, then I am ever so thankful. 

I know everyone has their own issues, but it sure can be covered up well.  Some people share it and others don't.  I will just say what everyone else is thinking: Life is Tough.  Working sucks.  The general public is hard to please and sometimes smell bad.  Keeping the laundry up and house clean is exhausting.  The economy sucks.  Politics suck.  Bills are never ending and depressing.  Keeping up with all this while trying to maintain yourself & your household is not as easy as it used to be.  And I want to add to my family one day soon?  THAT SCARES ME TO DEATH.  It is not as if we are trying to add to our family right now, but it's in the near future.  All too near.  Some people plan it, some don't but they all make it somehow. Well, hello, I am April and I like to be overly prepared for everything.  I want to have 100% of our non mortgage, truck and school loans/bills PAID off by 2014, home projects, laptops, etc.  I have been busting my rear with Origami Owl in order to try to do that.  I have so many financial fears.  Adding short term disability takes money out of my paycheck.  If I change to our better insurance plan, that takes even more money out of my paycheck.  Where do people get their money trees around here??  Everyone makes starting a family look so simple.  So free.  Trust me, if babies were free I would have 50 of them.  Every time I check my bank account I think about these things and wonder if my goals will happen when I want them too.  Then I think just as the Lord had His timing with getting married, He will take care of this too.  I just have to be patient.  Easier said than done especially for this girl! 

As I have prayed, confided in friends, and studied this week I was setting my mind to just trust in Him.  If it's His will to let everything work out by 2014 to ease my fears, then He will.  If it takes longer, then I will just accept that.  Most people get frustrated over the getting pregnant part.  I am so not even there yet.  I am at the step before.... the "are we really ready for this part?"  Ready financially, mentally, physically, spiritually??  That's where this morning's church sermon comes in.

The title: "Our House: We grow when you grow."  I listened.  I followed along.  I sang.  I prayed.  I took the Lord's supper.  We sang "you are my strength when I am weak, you are the treasure that I seek, you are my all in all.  Seeking you as a precious jewel (big smile- my Nana), Lord to give up I'd be a fool, you are my all in all.  Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is your name."   That song alone made me feel so much comfort and eased my past weeks worries.  It always feels great to worship with our church family and friends.  I then walked out with Caleb and was digging for my keys.  There was a member attendance/prayer request card in my purse.  I pulled it out and saw this:

My beautiful, wise, encouraging blessing of a friend, Heidi had put that in there.  I had already asked her for a couple books that she brought to me at church today because I had mentioned to her about my week, etc.  She took that sermon and applied it to my situation.  Something I didn't even really think of during the sermon as our preacher was applying this to the church body growth and growing your Christianity.

"Your house grows when you grow."  Wow.  I needed that.  My house will get ready to grow as soon as I do.  And boy do I need to.  I know the past 2-3 years I have grown somewhat, as my husband and marriage have brought me closer to God.  Not everyone is lucky enough to marry the man they met at Bible camp in the 6th grade.  Caleb has been the only guy I have ever dated that was Church of Christ, like me.  I thank God everyday for him, his love & his Christian devotion and faithfulness.  God knew I needed a man like Caleb so I could get closer to Him.  Then God started working in my social life.  Everyone grows up and goes through stages of life at different times.  They move, they get busy with work, family, etc and this is what is supposed to happen.  It took me a really long time to realize and accept that, but I finally have.  If I hadn't stopped chasing those that didn't chase me back, I would not have had room for all the new friends I have now.  The ones that have not only helped me through this new "grown up" stage in my life, but have helped me grow spiritually.  Or the ones make me laugh uncontrollably as my Zumba partner (Olivia Pippin) because physical growth (or shrinkage) is important too. :-)

Now that I have grown in those ways, I need to grow stronger spiritually.  I need to place more faith in God and His timing.  I need to grow my amount of patience.  I need to grow in my spending habits, as to not spend as much.  I need to grow in the time I spend studying my bible and in prayer.  I need to grow in my time staying off social media as much. I need to grow in the way I handle stress. I have been made aware of this big time this week in so many ways.  I need God.  I need my husband.  I need my family.  I need my encouraging friends.  I no longer need to compare myself to everyone else's timeline or finances.

 "We don't grow our house by counting noses or money but by growing ourselves." 

I am going to stop counting others and what they are doing (the noses) and stop counting our money and just start counting my blessings and spending more time with the One who can truly balance my budget for me. God.  Our awesome God. The one who will give me all the essentials I need to make it through this crazy life (love, patience, faith, trust, family, friends, dancing to de-stress, sunshine, health, food, etc) and I need not worry about the rest.  I know He will lift this weight on my heart.  He has given me the tools in which to do so which have unveiled themselves today and last week.  Let His will be done.  Amen.

Thanks for reading.  I feel so much better.  Love to all! I hope some of this can apply to you in some ways as well.